I have some packing to do

Nama Saya Ray, which means “my name is Ray” in Indonesian.  I am Claretian Missionary seminarian presently living in Chicago, IL and have been chosen to go on mission to Indonesia for the next year.

I would like to invite you to join me on this mission, through this blog, as I share the experiences of missionary life from the moment I got the call-invitation (this month) to the moment I come home in January 2014.

The thought that keeps running through my head at this moment is, “How did I get here?” How did I get to a point that I am preparing to leave my home to live half a world away, in a culture that is still mysterious to me, and where they do not speak either of the languages I know?.  The only answer that keeps coming to me is that someone called my name and to answer how that happened I need to share my story.

I grew up the 5th of 5 children in an actively Catholic family in Jacksonville, Florida.  Although I was the only boy, my parents took an extra effort not to spoil me and let me “earn my way” for which I am grateful now, but perhaps not as much when I was growing up.  Our faith was lived not just in pictures on a wall or prayers before dinner every night, but also in weekly Mass and especially through my parents’ commitment to Catholic education. 

When I think of how my childhood has led me to this place, I think of two things.  First, I think of the simple desire I had as an altar server in wanting to be closer to God.  I think this is the seed of every vocation, whether as a missionary, a priest, or lay person.  Second, I remember being sent to a Southern Baptist middle school.  It was there I learned the basics of the Bible, but at the same time I felt that it was used as a weapon.  In the end, I received a great grace from God, as I left there with a deep desire to know my faith and understand the Bible as a tool for life not as a weapon.

I thought about being a priest in high school and college and went on retreats but it seemed the answer was “no.” Although I had a desire to help others, especially those in need, I felt I could never preach as well as my pastor in Baltimore, and that is what seemed to make a priest.  It wasn’t until a few years later, after moving home to Jacksonville when I was unable to find any parish with decent preaching; I felt the “call” to do something about it.  I thought I might not be as good as my pastor, but I could do better than what I saw at home, and people deserved better.  With that decision to act, I felt such a deep sense of peace in me, a peace that still urges me on today.

My prayers to answer this call led me to the Franciscans, with whom I was for six years.  I admired their dedication to the Word, good preaching, and care for the poor, especially among Latino migrants in this country.  In this time I felt a growing desire to serve in the foreign missions, to those most in need.  Their later withdrawal from the foreign missions pushed me to seek a group where I could respond to this deeper call and I left the Order.

I was invited by a priest-teacher to join his work in El Salvador where I was able to connect with the missing piece of my vocation, being a missionary.  It seemed to me, to be a Catholic, I needed to be in touch with the wider church.  It was only after learning my gifts and desires (to share the Word, to serve the poor, and to be connected with the missions) that I knew what to look for in my vocation.  After serving a summer with the Claretian Missionaries, it all fell into place.  Here was a group of people committed not just on paper, but in reality, to the Word, to the marginalized, and rooted in the apostolic calling to “Go and preach the Gospel to all nations.”   (we are currently in 65 nations worldwide.)

But how did I get to a point to be willing to move to another country where I don’t (yet) speak the language? It’s not because I’m in the situation of tens of millions of people worldwide who have to leave their country to find work or flee war or famines.  I think one of the reasons I am at this point comes out of my experiences in the novitiate year (the year dedicated to learning the Congregation’s charism.) In this year, we were taught that we were not just joining the US province of the Claretian Missionaries, but we were joining a single world-wide congregation.  Also, in this time, my personal devotion to Mary was nourished, as our model of faith and ministry.

So when the provincial asked me if I would consider serving in the missions (teaching English to our students in Asia) I thought about our call to be open to the Holy Spirit, I thought about my parent’s encouraging me to be open and try new things. I thought about St Paul’s words, “Let nothing separate you from the Love of Christ,” (not even a foreign language in my case), and I thought about Mary’s “Yes” to God at the Annunciation.

All these things led me to give my “Yes” to him.  Without knowing what’s next, I feel a sense of peace to be “sent” in service to the Word and to grow in my sense of brotherhood with our wider family who will likely teach me as much as I will to them.  And now, I’ve got some packing to do!